The Book of Answers
By Andy Harris

What is this Goat on a pole thing?

Goatonapole is a metareligion–an intellectual and spiritual practice whose aim is to better understand thought systems–based on an image of a goat standing on a pole. The basic assumption underlying the practice of Goatonapole is that in the relative positions of the Goat and the Pole lies all meaning. In the Goat and the Pole we Goatonapolists see the universe, ourselves, and all things. In short, Goatonapole is the enterprise of talking about the Goat and the Pole and contemplating their relative positions.

Where is the Goat on the Pole?

The image that has shown us the path to the Eternal Goat is a photograph taken by Farooq Naem in Islamabad, Pakistan. The photo was submitted to the wire service AFP on May 9, 2004. More information can be found in The Apocrypha.

What's the deal with the Pakistani man holding the Pole?

Presumably he's a street performer trying to make money through the spectacle of the Goat on the Pole. The AFP photo caption identifies him as "a Pakistani street entertainer." To Goatonapolists he is simply "the Pakistani man." You can see what appears to be his money can in the right foreground of The Apocrypha.

In the view of the Institute, the question of the identity of the Pakistani man is inextricable from the issue of poverty in Pakistan, and indeed most of the photo caption concerns the plight of impoverished Pakistanis. In the image of the Goat on the Pole and the scholarly caption accompanying it, we encounter the pursuit of capital on the global, national, and individual levels, and it is difficult to say where the lines should be drawn between survival, exploit, and the sublime.

What's that other pole doing?

There are many who wish to mitigate the awe and splendor of the Goat's balance upon the Pole by claiming that the line extending from the Goat's chin, just past the Pakistani man's face, and to the ground is another pole supporting the Goat. Such an explanation would do much to explain the mysteries of the Goat, but it is directly contradicted by all the evidence at hand. The Institute holds that the "Second Pole" is in fact a rope, for the following reasons:

1. At the top of the rope there is a ring from which the rope hangs. If the rope were rigid and the goat supported any of its weight on it, the ring would be pressed flush against the Goat-head.
2. At the bottom of the rope, just before it touches the ground, there is a slight bend to the right. A rigid pole would not bend like this.
3. There is no base supporting the rope, as there is supporting the Pole. If the rope were a pole, it would buckle or fly away as soon as the Goat rested any of its wait on it.
4. Up and to the right of the point in the photo where the rope touches the ground, the excess portion of the rope can be seen to rest flaccidly on the ground.

Still, one may ask, why does the Goat need a rope? The Goat has no need for a rope, but the Pakistani man needs the rope to lead the Goat to and from his place of business every day. In light of realizations regarding the practicalities and limitations evidenced in the image of the Goat on the Pole, it is important to realize that the Physical Goat is just another emanation of the Eternal Goat. We are on the same plane as the Physical Goat, as are all things, but the Eternal Goat transcends all things. Only when we have properly rejected the Goat on the Pole can we look the Eternal Goat in the face and become as Goat and Pole at once.

Why does the gathered crowd seem so unimpressed?

No one can say except the Pakistanis themselves. To declare for oneself what the Pakistanis are thinking and feeling would be cultural imperialism of the highest order, and none of us at the Institute are well enough versed in the culture of street performance in Pakistan to give any definite answer. However, it remains striking that the witnesses to the miracle of the Goat on the Pole seem so indifferent with regard to the relative positions of the Goat and the Pole. Three possibilities present themselves, although certainly other reasons are possible:

1. The Pakistanis are jaded to the sight of this particular street performance. They do not see the Eternal Goat in the Physical Goat any more than they see the Eternal Goat in a bar of soap. Perhaps goats on poles are a common sight in the streets of Islamabad and the image seems striking to us by virtue of its seeming improbability and the incredulity it provokes in our minds.
2. The Pakistanis are enlightened beyond anything we can grasp. They see the Eternal Goat in the Physical Goat but have utterly reconciled themselves to all of its wonder, tenuity, and complexities. They now seek the Eternal Goat in all things, looking about distractedly because they sense It everywhere.
3. The Eternal Goat has presented us with this particular picture of Itself, and the Pakistanis are allegorical representations of ourselves as conscious beings confronted by the mysterious. Some of them turn away, others try to look cool for the benefit of those around them, others stare dumbfounded, and one takes it upon himself to steady the Pole as the Goat stands on it.

These three explanations are by no means mutually exclusive, and it is possible that all three have some validity. It is worthwhile to note that the third admits of a less immanent explanation: the Eternal Goat need not have painted the allegory of the Goat on the Pole deliberately. The Eternal Goat manifests Itself in all things and in no particular thing. If some particular thing becomes an allegory for us, then perhaps it is a gift of God, perhaps a trick of chance. We know no more of the Eternal Goat's thoughts than we do of the Pakistanis'—indeed, far less. In either case, every particular thing is part and parcel of the Eternal Goat's being and the image of the Goat on the Pole is as much a portrait of God as is anything else.

The Pole looks like a hookah.

You know, it kind of does.